Christina Aguilera is Mocking Me

Airports and grocery stores are one of those places where you often shuffle through doing the mundane things of life. You usually can’t avoid them unless you hermit yourself into a house and never leave. The proprietors take advantage of the fact that they have a captive, although possibly unwilling audience, by trying to sell time-wasters in the form of magazines. You can read about how Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are on the verge (again) of splitting up or how Britney is supposedly trying to adopt twins from China to make up for the two children that she lost through her sheer stupidity all while you load your groceries onto the conveyor belt. Depending upon the line, you can even check out who has had plastic surgery and liposuction.

Airports are actually much worse. Every third store front is a magazine shop with all of the magazines that you only read at the dentist’s office. The best sellers or most attractive covers are sometimes repeated on the front of the kiosk. The new issue of Marie Claire with Christina Aguilera and her giant pregnant belly is one such cover. Everywhere I turn, there she is flaunting her pregnancy in my face saying, “I’m possibly underweight, I have tacky hair, a terrible bronzer habit and a questionable sense of style, but I can get pregnant, despite my lack of any body fat and whenever I want and you can’t! Ha!” What is the point of putting her on the cover with her naked pregnant belly other than to show it off which has the side effect of tormenting those of us with infertility?

Ironically, I thought the picture of Demi Moore on the cover of Vanity Fair, back in the day when she was pregnant, was beautiful and not objectionable. It was done by Annie Liebowitz and seemed to be designed to celebrate the female form during pregnancy. Of course, when the Demi Moore picture came out, I was still in high school and avoided pregnant women like the plague in case pregnancy was a contagious disease.

How is that picture acceptable to me and not this one? I want to say that I think the Demi Moore picture is a work of art in its own right, regardless of the subject matter, and the other picture is just a semi-naked picture of Christina Aguilera which, frankly, you can find just about anywhere. I think I’ve seen her belly button more times than my own. Or maybe it’s that Demi Moore outclasses Christina (or X-ina as the press has started calling her – how declass) in just about every possible category known to man and thus any picture of Demi Moore (nude or otherwise) is automatically more appealing than a picture of Christina Aguilera. Or maybe I digress.

I’m still trying to decide how much of my reaction to this picture is just because I’m pissed that I’m having so much difficulty getting pregnant and how much of it is because I think the picture is just really tacky. I think it’s an even split. Although, really, there is no artistic value in it and it seems only to be designed to celebrate the worst-kept secret in 2007.

Or maybe it’s just that I think her music is shit. Either way, I’m sure as hell not buying Marie Claire anytime soon and definitely not that particular issue.

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