I know all of you are sad and disappointed at what happened. I am too. We just need to be strong and try to move on. A few of you, though, seem to be having some difficulty with that and so I wanted to talk with each of you about my expectations.
To my boobs: I know you are kind of the new kids on the block here since you didn’t come onto the scene until I was about 13 (and no, there is no reason for you two to tell the story about how I wanted a training bra when I was still flat as a pancake), but can you please start deflating now? Sweetie gets very amourous whenever he sees you and I have to beat him away because I am so not in the mood for that right now. Also, you can stop being sore. Seriously.
To my ovaries: I know you are unhappy and bloated. Dr. Uterus said you were probably the size of golfballs but I swear you looked ginormous on the scan (maybe it was the magnification). Please quiet down, though. I don’t need sharp pains all of the time and I certainly don’t need you to protest everytime I get up.
To my uterus: we’ve been through so much together and I know that you are very good at your job of keeping whatever needs to be in there in its place. But, I guess you weren’t paying attention on Thursday when Dr. Uterus said that things aren’t going to work out because you still haven’t let go. It’s time. Please just let it go. It’s the only way to start the healing process and frankly, your delay is really making it difficult for me to move on. You can cramp up as much as you want (yes, free pass) just please get started.
To my naughty cervix: see the above direction to the uterus. I expect you two to work together and get this show on the road. Anytime now.
Thanks everyone for reading this. Please get started as quickly as possible on your tasks and we will all be happier.
image: Laineys Repertoire