I seriously still don’t know if I’m coming or going. All of this, “you’re pregnant, you’re not pregnant, you’re pregnant” business is just so confusing at a very basic level. What was good last week – booze, baths and brie – has once again become verboten this week. What was a sign of progress – spotting and cramping – has once again become a sign of terror (today’s thrill was dark reddish brown. Whee!)
I also have to keep track of who knows of the latest development – and who still thinks that we miscarried. My parents – yes. His parents – no. My boss and most co-workers – yes. Semi-new employee – no. Friends – yes. Aunt and uncle – no. I almost have to start a list. We are waiting to tell some of these outlying people until next week’s scan. No reason to get everyone worked up in a tizzy. Although, it certainly would be par for the course these days if I’m lying to at least one person about the state of my uterus.
There has been some good news, if you can call it that. The nausea that last week felt like just really bad indigestion has come roaring on like gangbusters. Although, I’m not treating this as the Sign of Signs since I had nasty nausea right up until Dr. Utuerus pronounced that the pregnancy had ended about 10 days earlier during our first miscarriage.
I feel like I’ve been spun around a few hundred times and I don’t know where the sky ends and land begins.