For some reason, I recently have kept running into Ben Franklin’s definition of insanity. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Oh, Ben (or Albert Einstein, depending upon which website you reference) how right you were.
If by trying to get pregnant, over and over again, and then getting pregnant and miscarrying over and over again we can be said to be insane, then today’s karyotype result for this second miscarriage seals the deal: it was yet another monosomy. Two random chromosomal miscarriages in a row. If I had this luck in the lottery, I would be a rich woman.
We have an appointment with Dr. Uterus to discuss the results next Tuesday. I am particularly annoyed that he had told us numerous times before that it was highly unlikely that we would have another monosomy. I think he needs to just stop giving us predictions because each of them have not turned out in our favor. Sweetie will be with me, so he can keep me from being a harpie while trying to get answers out of our very nice RE who’s optimism keeps smacking me upside the head.
I’m just afraid that I know the answer that Dr. Uterus will give us: it was completely random, there’s nothing we can do about it and nothing we can do to prevent it in the future. I don’t know how many more times I can stand having a miscarriage, let alone one for a random chromosomal event that isn’t supposed to happen every time I get pregnant. How does lightening strike in the same place over and over again. Is it insane or are we for standing in the same location?
I haven’t been able to find any real statistics on how common (or uncommon) it is to have it twice in a row. I know that it is the most common of all chromosomal abnormalities, but that alone is no longer particularly helpful. Has anyone had two monosomy miscarriages in a row or know someone who has?
First, I am so sorry for your recent loss.
Of my last five miscarriages, three were of the random chromosonal variety.
All the more frustrating and painful knowing my first pregnancy was perfect (I have my four year old son from that).
I’ve never won the lottery, except in the infertility realm. My RE shakes his head, and he still holds onto the “bad luck” explanation… because without that there is no explanation.
No words of wisdom here, just (((hugs))).
Forgive my ignorance on the subject, but is it not an abnormality they can screen for with PGS?
What shitty luck to have this happen twice. I’m sorry.
I’m no help at all on this topic. But that lightning striking twice thing really sucks.
I used to tell myself that trying the same thing expecting a different result is actually optimism, not insanity. Some days I believe it, some days I don’t.
shelli – I’m so sorry about all of YOUR losses. I feel bad complaining about my two when you’ve endured five. Thanks for the information. I bet you agree with me that the bad luck theory of recurrent loss is seriously unhelpful.
loribeth – thanks.
denise – no ignorance here! we haven’t really looked into PGD or PGS yet. That will be one of the questions we ask Dr. Uterus next week. Thanks.
rebeccah – thanks. I like exchanging insanity with optimism. It’s obvious that the quote was made by a man.
I’m so sorry, Mrs X. I’m sure it is absolutely no comfort to you to be told that this is just a random piece of bad luck.
I hope that your appointment with Dr Uterus goes well next week.
My great granddad was literally struck twice by lightning (he was a very tall man). I don’t know if that was also attributed to bad luck (he was a Baptist preacher, so other forces might have been involved).
I wish you could get some answers that were real answers, the kind that could help guide your actions in the future. May Dr. Uterus have a better response than the ol’ “shit out of luck” one.
Is it just me, or does it seem really common in the world of infertility for people to end up with strings of bad-luck, small-chance problems? If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard “this is very unusual” or “this hardly ever happens,” at least I’d be able to buy a lottery ticket.
It is so maddening to me how, when it comes to conceiving stuff (IVF, etc), science seems so fast-moving and cutting edge. Yet miscarriage still seems just as mysterious as it’s always been.
Recently, I asked my RE why I could believe our next IVF would result in a viable pregnancy versus a fourth (god, I hope not) loss. And he couldn’t say. It’s soooo hard rolling the dice again with that little to go on.
Again, I am so sorry for your losses…
Yeah, you know, stats don’t mean anything when you keep coming up on the short end of them. I say that having had 2 m/cs myself, one of which happened after the heart started beating. I get so tired of hearing about stats. I’m sorry this happened to you again.
Ive been struck by lightening, literally. AND almost twice…a long story that gets off this topic, but it just proves that statistics can be down right shitty sometimes…
Wishing you well for your appt.
Thank you ms heathen, shinejil, paranoid, peesticks, nutmeg and jj – all of your words are so helpful and comforting.