Owie.

I already knew that I was an extraordinary woman. Just look at the fact that I have managed to not have a child after trying for over three years.   So far I have managed to thwart every attempt to get me and keep me knocked up.  I think I am the poster child for fertility treatments as birth control. How can I begin to top this epic achievement? I’ll tell you.

I’ve managed to break my toe by tripping over a tennis shoe that has no sharp edges or hard surfaces. Yep. I even have an X-ray to prove it. Aren’t you jealous? What is even more amazing – as if this all wasn’t enough – I did it on my third toe on the left foot in the middle bone with a break that goes sideways.  I cannot do anything half-assed, people!

(Note helpful diagram below)
This is not my foot, but I have thoughtfully photoshopped
the location of the break with a giant arrow in case
you didn’t see it. Impressed?

Dr. Dorquemada, my podiatrist, marveled at how I managed to break such an inaccessible toe and in such a location.  He started fantasizing about how to place the pins to keep it anchored, but then decided that the more prudent (and boring) treatment was to tape it to the my other toe.  His disappointment was palpable.  This was the same man who was practically fetishizing the bone spurs he saw in my x-rays last year.  It’s a good thing he’s a podiatrist.

Needless to say, I am bursting with pride at my latest achievement. I think I’ve earned a cookie.

Can I put my x-ray on the fridge, pretty please?

9 thoughts on “Owie.

  1. This post made me laugh. A few years ago I broke -the ball- of my foot while walking to work. On a beautiful bright spring day in Boston. Not a pothole or snowdrift in sight. Oh, and I broke my finger by walking into a wall. To be precise, the the wall that was in the same place as always in my apartment between the kitchen and the living room. I just walked into it with my hand straight out and broke the finger. But still, a tennis shoes is much softer than either the ground or a hard wall – very impressive indeed.

    I hope your foot feels better soon. I seem to remember treating the broken foot with an alternating treatment of high doses of ibuprofen and beer (but of course I was younger then).

  2. Oh no, Mrs. X! I’m so sorry to hear about your bizarre (gardening?) accident and the sadly low-tech solution. Nothing like the agony of a broken bone to distract from other worries, eh? Should I add that to my list of great distractions?

    Why does IF seem to attract idiopathic, incredibly random crap? Or does it just make us supersensitive to life’s stupid twists and turns?

    Sending healing wishes to your tootsie!

  3. That’s an example of exceeding expectatons, for sure. lol.

    I hope your toe feels better soon. I have to also admit I too broke my second toe (the one next to the big toe) in a similar fashion about 20 years ago, and it’s STILL crooked. A memory of my youth.

  4. I broke my little toe a few years ago (by walking into a door), and it was horribly painful – so my deepest sympathies, Mrs X.

    But glad to hear that you have such an attentive doctor taking care of your broken tootsie!

  5. Honey, at this point I think you should skip the fridge & saftey pin the X-ray to the front of your t-shirt like pre-school teachers do with notes for home. Everyone should see that, not only those lurking about your kitchen!

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