I already knew that I was an extraordinary woman. Just look at the fact that I have managed to not have a child after trying for over three years. So far I have managed to thwart every attempt to get me and keep me knocked up. I think I am the poster child for fertility treatments as birth control. How can I begin to top this epic achievement? I’ll tell you.
I’ve managed to break my toe by tripping over a tennis shoe that has no sharp edges or hard surfaces. Yep. I even have an X-ray to prove it. Aren’t you jealous? What is even more amazing – as if this all wasn’t enough – I did it on my third toe on the left foot in the middle bone with a break that goes sideways. I cannot do anything half-assed, people!
(Note helpful diagram below)
This is not my foot, but I have thoughtfully photoshopped
the location of the break with a giant arrow in case
you didn’t see it. Impressed?
Dr. Dorquemada, my podiatrist, marveled at how I managed to break such an inaccessible toe and in such a location. He started fantasizing about how to place the pins to keep it anchored, but then decided that the more prudent (and boring) treatment was to tape it to the my other toe. His disappointment was palpable. This was the same man who was practically fetishizing the bone spurs he saw in my x-rays last year. It’s a good thing he’s a podiatrist.
Needless to say, I am bursting with pride at my latest achievement. I think I’ve earned a cookie.
Can I put my x-ray on the fridge, pretty please?