I haven’t given much thought to the Great Do I Find a New RE Debate of 2008 in the last few days. We had company last weekend and of course there is that work thing, so the mind has been preoccupied in other areas. But, it has been sitting back there, on a shelf, slightly pushed out in front of all of the other back burner items that inhabit that area of the brain, cheekily reminding me that eventually, I’m going to have to deal with it.
During that time, in the vortex of conscious debate and thought, it seems as if inertia has taken over the decision-making process, leading me where my general feelings of dissatisfaction have been taking me. And, inertia is making a damn fine showing.
Case in point: the mail last Friday brought a bill from Dr. Uterus’s office. This is actually a rare occurrence – not because we don’t owe anything, but because they tend to save up their billing for one gargantuan one every six months or so. And, for some reason that they have yet to satisfactorily explain to me, it always tells me that the bill is overdue and we must! pay! now! to avoid collection. Seroiusly annoying.
But, with this bill that arrived less than a month after the last procedure (shock in and of itself), we owe him nothing, monetarily speaking. We also have no embryos left, no sperm banked, nothing of ourselves cryogenically frozen and waiting to be used at the office.
We could leave … today.
I’m just not ready to do the deed.
While inertia may be pointing me in that direction, only I can give the signal that it is time to move on. And, I’m probably 75% of the way there. There are some lingering feelings, doubts, remorses, general hemming and hawings going on that tie up that last 25%. The good news is that I am still not ready to jump back into treatment so I have the time to really think things through. Right now, though, all of the potential obstacles that would have made switching or leaving difficult or pesky are nowhere to be found. The door is open and we are free to go with no obligations.
If it were only that easy.