My Halloween Babies

My darling babies,

We didn’t have a lot of time together, just a few weeks for each of you.  Your father and I saw each of you on the screen, just a little blob with a flashing heartbeat.  We heard those little heartbeats and they were so strong.  I don’t think I will ever forget that sound for as long as I live.  We marveled at what nature was doing and the overwhelming love that we felt.  We wondered what you would look like, which of us you would take after.  And, your grandparents were so excited for us and to meet you both.  

And, then each of you was gone.  And there was silence, on the screen, in our hearts, in our bodies.  We were heartbroken.  We still are. 

Today was to have been your birthdays. One of you would be 1 year old and the other would just be making a debut.  I can’t say that either of your losses has gotten easier, but the wounds are less raw.  Losing you both has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, especially since we worked so hard and waited so long to bring you both into this world.  There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about each of you and wonder what it would have been like if you had been born and we had you here with us.  Still, we are both so grateful to have had those few precious weeks and days that we had with both of you.  

I think it is fitting that tomorrow, November 1, is All Saint’s Day or Dios de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), when people remember the dead.  I will remember both of you today, tomorrow, everyday, forever. 

Love,

Mom

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14 thoughts on “My Halloween Babies

  1. I cried,I cried then I cried some more. For you,for your babies and for everyone else who has suffered this loss. I have no concept of how you’re are feeling or indeed coping,but I am truly sorry.

    Most beautifully written. Thinking of you.

    Mrs. X: thanks. I hope that you never have the reason to know how it feels. That would be my gift to you and the world.

  2. And now I’m crying too. This is such a beautiful post. I am so sorry, and I’ll be thinking of your two dear babies tomorrow as well as my own.

    Mrs. X: thank you. I hope you feel better!

  3. Beautifully said, Mrs. X. You and your two babies will be in my thoughts and prayers today; especially at mass.

    Oh, and perhaps this might give you a little laugh? I’m looking directly right of me and I see the picture of “The Bad One’s” kitty rear. It reminds me waay too much of one of my kitties

    Mrs. X: thanks for your thoughts and your prayers. And yes, that picture always makes me crack up.

  4. Just catching up on your blog, and holding both you and your lost ones in my thoughts.

    Please know that you are not alone, dear Mrs X. There are many of us sitting quietly and remembering with you.

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