I have a really bad habit when something big is about to happen. I think, “oh, in x number of hours, we’ll know” or “in another hour, it will all be over.” Of course, this is only used for events that are anxiety inducing – they are not pleasant thoughts and only serve to cause more anxiety about the impending event.
This was what I was thinking as we drove the five minutes to the clinic in 6:50am cool air. I’ve driven this route so many times now, seen the same people walking the same dogs, it’s amost comforting. Almost. Because today, was no ordinary day.
Today was the 8 week scan. The scan where the stakes were raised to threat level heartbeat. Luckily, Dr. Salsa didn’t waste much time getting down to business.
And, poof, there was the little p. I could tell right away that there was significant growth since our last scan two weeks ago. And, with the movement of the wand just a milimeter, I saw the tell-tale flashing. The tiniest heart amongst us.
You will probably shocked to hear this, but I never actually saw the heart flash before on either my two previous pregnancies. Dr. Uterus’ scanning equipment was fine, but there was one monitor and it was rather hard to crane my neck to see the important stuff. Dr. Salsa of course, provides you with your own monitor on the ceiling which I am appreciating more and more each time.
He turned on the sound and there it was – wocka, wocka, wocka – like Fozzie bear. The rate measured at 167 bpm which is nice and solid. He took some measurements and everything was on track.
I also tallked with him about the big D. He gave me the name of a psychiatrist who can, if need be, proscribe me something. I also see my regular therapist on Monday and will definitely raise the issue with her as well. Between the two, we’ll see what we can do. The uncertainty level has gone down a little with today’s appointment. But, it will come back up again. We are in charted, but still dangerous waters and know that the boat can capsize still. We’re just taking it day by day.
Thank you all for your lovely comments and support. May this karma rebound to you in droves!