Unfiltered

rubyblossomMy mouth has been known to get me into trouble on numerous occasions, particularly when I was younger.  I lacked that certain 2-second delay between a thought in the head and vocalizing it, word for word to an unsuspecting victim.  While I got lots of admiration for ‘telling it like it is’, it wasn’t until I was dating Mr. X that I began to get negative feedback about this behavior from someone who’s opinion mattered to me (this is also possibly because alot of these ‘vocalizations’ were about and to his friends – well, just the ones I didn’t like).

I began to think about what I was going to say before I said it and implemented the 2-second delay.  Sure, a few zingers made it out everyonce in a while, but I was able to keep that filter lodged nicely in place so that the things coming out of my mouth were non-controversial. And let’s face it, I was a nicer (albeit more boring) person for it.

I missed that girl, sometimes, though.  There is a certain freedom in saying exactly what you think.  I felt muzzled and self-censored, but I also knew that most of my comments would not be appreciated in the manner in which they were given by the person receiving them.  Only a select few of my friends know me well enough and appreciate my sense of humor to let me get away with this habit.  So, to preserve the feelings of unsuspecting others, I literally keep my mouth shut.

But, I fear the filter is slipping.  I have been fortunate so far in this pregnancy not to have the abject rage that I experienced in my first one.  But, I haven’t been immune to the hormonal cocktail and I think this is how it is manifesting itself.  My fuse is shorter and I find myself less likely to suffer fools.  I’m having that familiar urge to just let it all out.  In short, it would appear that the bitch is coming back.

I learned the hard way, though, that sometimes telling it like it is, while momentarily satisfying, is not a good long term strategy to winning friends.   Unfortunately, right now I seem to be focused on the momentarily satisfying, or craving, as it were.  And, I indulge my other cravings (today’s was a Frosty from Wendy’s), so the theory goes, why not this one too?  The thing is, I’d like to retain some semblance of my former civil self.  So, for now, it looks like the filter is going to be dusted off, the 2-second rule implemented.  Because, I may be a harpie, but I’m not ready to act like one.

image: rubyblossom

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9 thoughts on “Unfiltered

  1. I think pregnacy hormones can make a royal “B” out of the best of us. When I was pg with B.B. I broke a brand new bath brush on the living room floor because Husband wasn’t watching #1 Son as well as I’d have liked. A pg friend punched her husband in the face at the bank drive-thru because he was speaking with a bad fake Hispanic accent. And my sister…well…she was down right evil.

  2. Ooooh….tough one isn’t it???? I suffer the same issue, and am not so well-disciplined in keeping the ol’ mouth shut…

    I have discovered, through the previous go-rounds with the “parasite”, that when you can find something to focus on the is NOT the idiocy of “people” (as my friend fondly refers to the world at large), generally, you are able to rein in the tongue before it causes all sorts of issues…

    That being said, every once in awhile, there are definitely those times when a well-placed barb or two is in order…just remember that when that little bugger is actually outside to be hearing and eventually comprehending, they are going to spew forth something that will make you wish you could sink about 20 levels below the surface of the earth…

    I hope that you’re beginning to feel a bit of calm and peace, and maybe even a twinge or two of the H word…

    Prayers continue for you, Mr X and your Little Bugger!

  3. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog to commiserate about cysts. I am sure there will be a whole cr*pload of whining and carrying on from me during this month!

    When I was younger (and even now on occasion), my problem was that I would think something that I knew I shouldn’t say and I would fixate on it in my head, knowing I shouldn’t say it and then suddenly, without my conscious knowledge, I would hear it coming out of my mouth. It’s almost worse than having no filter because I can’t claim I didn’t know it was a poor move to vocalize whatever I’ve shared. Good luck dusting off the filter.

  4. I started employing a filter, and now I just don’t talk much. Apparently (at least, according to my husband), I think I’m a lot funnier than I actually am.

    Good luck in your quest to censor – it’s difficult to suppress those hormones!

  5. You sound like my husband – he just says it like it is, however, he is not known for his tactfulness. I admire him at times for saying it exactly like it is and have employed his manner at times. I think it works better for men, for some reason. There is something awfully freeing about it – it’s addictive.But that’s usually about satisfying my ego if truth be told. At times, I think, why is it that some people never stop to consider MY feelings when they say things but I always stop to consider theirs. My compromise, I try to get at exactly what is causing my unrest and short temper and I have a nice chant. Usually it works. But if not, I blame it on hormones.

  6. I have pretty much the most uncensored mouth of anyone I know. And that’s after working on it for the last 5 to 10 years. I think I’d enjoy being around you IRL. 🙂

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