You would think that after five years of infertility I would be used to uncertainty. In fact, I was used to uncertainty – uncertainty about whether or not we would have a child. Once that was resolved, it didn’t occur to me that uncertainty would most certainly once again be part of my life. Silly girl!
Of course, Rex is a constant source of uncertainty for me. Each “wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!” raises the usual questions. Is he tired? Hungry? Cold? Hot? Bored? Not one to make it easy, he of course provides few to no clues as to the source of his angst and instead ramps up the crying as if to say, “Schnell, woman! My needs, they must be met! Now!” If I’m really missing the clues and not responding correctly to his desires, he shrieks. I seriously question sometimes the wisdom of evolution in making infants the most annoying at the time that they are most dependent upon their caregivers.
Then there are the questions about whether he eats too much, sleeps too little and gets enough tummy time, interaction, fresh air, SAT preparation, and Mozart (kidding on those last two, but not really). I wonder when I should start trying to get him on a sleep schedule and whether it is a pipe dream to even hope that he might sleep for six hour stretches at night by the time he’s three months old.
Unfortunately, Rex does not corner the market on uncertainty in our lives right now. Mr. X’s employer has seen to that. The day after Mr. X went back to work after Rex was born, Big Company informed him that it was going to transfer him (and by extension, us) to a small city about four hours from here. Away from family and Big Company’s fabulously awesome daycare center and our friends and a decent airport, etc. I was shocked, but not surprised – we knew that this day would come and the location could have been a lot, lot worse (think town with a population of 2,000 people). I came to terms with it and we started talking about when we would have to put the house on the market.
Then, they mixed it up – now the assignment was temporary to permanent meaning we couldn’t even sell our current house or buy a new house – we’d be in limbo for six months. Hopefully, we can push back on this particular part of it because what’s the point of making it temporary to permanent if you know that it’s going to be permanent?! Just make it permanent from the outset and we’ll all be a lot happier.
As with all drama we’ve had in our lives in the past, we’ll get through this too. But, that doesn’t mean I won’t complain till the cows come home about it.