Certainly Uncertain

You would think that after five years of infertility I would be used to uncertainty.  In fact, I was used to uncertainty – uncertainty about whether or not we would have a child.  Once that was resolved, it didn’t occur to me that uncertainty would most certainly once again be part of my life.  Silly girl!

Of course, Rex is a constant source of uncertainty for me.  Each “wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!” raises the usual questions.  Is he tired? Hungry? Cold? Hot? Bored?  Not one to make it easy, he of course provides few to no clues as to the source of his angst and instead ramps up the crying as if to say, “Schnell, woman! My needs, they must be met! Now!”  If I’m really missing the clues and not responding correctly to his desires, he shrieks.  I seriously question sometimes the wisdom of evolution in making infants the most annoying at the time that they are most dependent upon their caregivers.

Then there are the questions about whether he eats too much, sleeps too little and gets enough tummy time, interaction, fresh air, SAT preparation, and Mozart (kidding on those last two, but not really).  I wonder when I should start trying to get him on a sleep schedule and whether it is a pipe dream to even hope that he might sleep for six hour stretches at night by the time he’s three months old.

Unfortunately, Rex does not corner the market on uncertainty in our lives right now.  Mr. X’s employer has seen to that.  The day after Mr. X went back to work after Rex was born, Big Company informed him that it was going to transfer him (and by extension, us) to a small city about four hours from here.  Away from family and Big Company’s fabulously awesome daycare center and our friends and a decent airport, etc.   I was shocked, but not surprised – we knew that this day would come and the location could have been a lot, lot worse (think town with a population of 2,000 people).  I came to terms with it and we started talking about when we would have to put the house on the market.

Then, they mixed it up – now the assignment was temporary to permanent meaning we couldn’t even sell our current house or buy a new house – we’d be in limbo for six months.  Hopefully, we can push back on this particular part of it because what’s the point of making it temporary to permanent if you know that it’s going to be permanent?! Just make it permanent from the outset and we’ll all be a lot happier.

As with all drama we’ve had in our lives in the past, we’ll get through this too.  But, that doesn’t mean I won’t complain till the cows come home about it.

4 thoughts on “Certainly Uncertain

  1. Hey, 2,000 is a decent sized town in these parts. 🙂 You can join us in Farm Livin’ (just think Green Acres).

    In reality, I think this sucks. The last thing new parents need is work place/living quarters drama. Gah!!

  2. I am so picturing the manager from ‘Office Space’ – “So, ah, we’re moving your position to Small Town, but it might not be permanent, so don’t get settled in or anything. But it could be permanent, so you might want to plan for that as well. And don’t forget to complete and turn in your TPS reports.” Or something like that.

    Gotta love big corporate! I hope they make up their minds soon.

    Until then, complain away! 🙂

  3. Argh! This is the last thing you need right now! I hate corporations and their stupid, stupid decision making process. Argh.

    I worried a lot, too, about my decisions: Am I going to kill my baby by sleeping with him in the same bed? Is he going to be permanently damaged by his IUGR? Should I really be nursing him 5-6 hours at a stretch, when this expert or that book says he should only be eating every four hours? What’s wrong with the little stinker? That kind of thing.

    If you’re bottle feeding, you can do a schedule. Well, that’s what I hear in theory at least. 🙂 And the sleep does begin to take on more and more of a pattern, by 3 mos or so, often way earlier. It will begin to fall into place. And when things get more regular in the next month or so, you’ll be able to work more easily, which helped me. I had the little dude on a Boppy on my lap while I finished my dis and got back to my work from home job.

    In short, you’ll figure it out. You’ll get to know Rex better (and he’ll get to know what the hell he’s all about, too). A few more weeks, and you’ll see a lot of change. I swear.

    I’m glad you’ve been taking care of yourself. I want you to know I’m thinking about you often, and wishing you slow, steady improvement and increasing moments of joy, satisfaction, and laughter.

  4. How frustrating! Moving is enough of a traumatic event, without uncertainty surrounding it. At least babies travel a fairly predictable course, and you know it won’t be all (unclear) demands all the time for long. With companies, that situation can last forever! Much luck, and I hope Mr. X’s employer makes up its mind.

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