Ok, so we’re already 8 days into the near year and I’m only now getting around to posting my thoughts about 2010, but whatevs. Yes, I used that word. Yes, I’m over 30. Yes, everytime someone over 30 uses that word I’m sure a kitten cries. Whatevs.
If I could sum up 2010 in word it would be … hard. Not as in it’s hard to sum up 2010 in one word but that 2010 was hard. It was hard in the extremely obvious ways that having your first child is hard and it was also hard in random, why is this even a category of hard ways such as getting rear ended in my one-month old car. Yes, it happened. No one was close to be injured (except my bumper which sported the imprint of the dude’s license plate) and we were both – small miracle – insured. Still, total PITA. Yes, I used an acronym for pain in the ass. Again, whatevs. May the wrath of the blogging/writing/grammar/punctuation Gods rain down on me like frogs from heaven. Not that I believe in Gods or raining frogs or heaven. You get the pernt, as my father would say.
So, back to 2010 and its hardness. It was sharp and poked me on numerous occasions in uncomfortable places like my love of routine and predictability. It upended my days numerous times. It generated copious dishes, rinse cycles and dryer loads. In short, it made me grow up, get out of comfort zone and completely change how I live. I swear my heart grew three sizes. I fell in love with my son and fell in even more love with my husband.
I also know that I made things harder than they needed to be sometimes. Even after I had Rex, the baby that I wanted so badly for so long, I still found myself succumbing to the greener grass syndrome. It was then that I finally understood what so many people had told me. Having Rex was not going to make me happy. It helped with the jealousy of pregnant ladies and the feeling of being out of the club, but I still was not happy. This caused even more guilt because I had wanted this so much and now didn’t seem to want it at all. So, I made several executive decisions. I banished guilt. I would no longer feel guilty, I would forgive myself and move on. I would not worry what others thought of me. And, I would try, as best as possible, to just enjoy things.
This was how I finished 2010 and so far, it’s been working very well. I worry less, get frustrated less and laugh more. I feel more like me. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about the new year and what is to come. And I recognize what a gift that is.