Grace in Small Things 2/28/2011

Another long day on the road, but productive!

  1. I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast.  Nothing fancy, no schmears, just a good bagel and cream cheese and it was really, really good.  The highly caffeinated tea also helped.
  2. I met someone very inspiring today. His joy was just palpable.  I usually meet people like that and my cynical side assumes that there must be something dark behind that gay (happy gay, not gay gay) facade. But, this guy was genuine.  It was incredibly refreshing.
  3. Mr. X appears to be holding up really well with taking care of Rex while I’m gone.  I am so incredibly proud of him.
  4. The last time I was away from Rex was in August when I had a girls weekend.  I was still in the thick of the post-partum depression and I could not get away from the house fast enough.  This time, I cried when I left him and I keep sneaking peeks at his picture on my phone.  I miss my Boo.
  5. Another morning tomorrow where I was not woken by cats jumping on me!

Onwards and upwards, always.

Grace in Small Things 2/27/2011

  1. My cold seems to be getting better, thank goodness.  My head isn’t as stuffy as it was and I’m not sneezing as much.  The cold has not helped my ear situation, but what can you do.
  2. Getting to play dress up for a second day in a row.  I work from home, so suits are not called for but on travel I get to be well-heeled and glamorous.  It’s worth the killing of da feet.
  3. Got to hear Rex on the phone when I called this afternoon.  I told him how much I missed him.
  4. Experiencing two wildly different political viewpoints in one night. What a nation we live in.
  5. Getting to go and buy baby things for Rex while I’m traveling.  That was just one of those things that I’ve wanted to do for so long.

Grace in Small Things 2/26/2011

Skipped 2/25 in favor of a real post and then got too busy yesterday, so here’s yesterday’s today!

  1. I’m the one traveling for business this week.  Weird.  I actually cried when I had to leave Rex.  He didn’t help matters by reaching out from daddy to have me hold him.  Oh, sweet baby love!
  2. Southwest rocks!  Flight wasn’t full, it arrived 15 minutes early and the peanuts were quite yummy.
  3. Adele.  This song is simply fabulous.
  4. Charlie Sheen quotes by cats:
  5. Finally being able to share photos of my child with others after so many years of nothing to show in the child/grandchild show off game.


Honey, Hand Me the Vinegar

I had heard that the first year of a marriage after a child is born can be tough.  I didn’t give it much thought at the time.  We were too busy trying to have the kid, so I wasn’t going to worry about what would happen when we had the kid.  I also figured that our marriage had already been Tested by so many things – a full house renovation, a hurricane, two kittens, five years of infertility, two miscarriages, a rescue dog – that having a baby, something that we wanted so badly, couldn’t possibly put us asunder.

Then we had Rex.  And my husband went from being my partner to being  another child constantly needing something and not helping.  At least, that’s how it felt at the time to my PPD-addled severely hormonal whack jobbed brain.  As the sleep deprivation and depression worsened and the laundry and dishes piled up, what had worked in our marriage before as an equitable distribution of the chores turned into an exercise in score keeping and endless events in the Most Tired Olympics.   It drove me crazy that he would come home from work and go on and on about how hard his day was and (I perceived) wanted my sympathy when I had been taking care of our son all day, which was the hardest thing I had ever done in my entire life, thank you very much.

Via Flickr Creative Commons by alsjhc

I see now that we were both thrown for a terrific loop when Rex was born which should not have come as much of a shock as it did.  We dealt with the curve ball in our own ways, which for all other major tests had worked fine, but for this one didn’t work at all.  One problem, of course, is that I wasn’t coping hardly at all with the loop and Mr. X was left trying to cope for both of us.  When I did try to cope I turned to keeping score on who did how many chores, how many hours of baby care, how many night wakings, etc. so that I didn’t feel like I was the only one doing anything.  I would build these ‘babycare points’ and try to redeem them for chore duties such as taking out the trash (yay! something easy that doesn’t scream!) or grocery shopping just to be able to do something that I knew I could do and do well.  I also desperately wanted to feel normal, at least for a little while.  How awful is that?

And, I felt like Mr. X was contributing to the problem, not helping.  I began impersonating a snapping turtle when I was around him.  I had an over abundance of frustration, anger and just sheer angst fueled by PPD and sleep deprivation that I would take out on him.  I couldn’t (and never had even a whiff of desire to) take it out on Rex.  In the 20/20 rear view mirror, I see that he did the absolute best that he could considering he had a hormonally challenged wife suffering from PPD, a job to hold down (including a job transfer that was foisted on him the day he got back from his paternity leave) and a newborn who did the usual typical baby things like screaming, explosive pooping and erratic sleeping.  And, bless his heart, he loved me anyways.  He must have been just as frustrated as I was but he kept holding us afloat.

Even in those dark days, though, I never told Mr. X how I felt.  I could see nothing good coming from that and I knew deep down in that tiny little sane place in my brain that I was really, really out of whack and not seeing things as they really were.  But, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching.  I addressed a lot of my long standing issues, issues that had been around long before Rex arrived on the scene but that I could ignore and still have a relatively easy life.   Now, though, everything was on the table, including how I would treat Mr. X.  I decided to make a conscience effort to just be kind to him.  No matter what.  No matter what question he asked, no matter what he messed up, no matter anything.  And, it’s been working.  It’s also been coming back to me.   I can tell he’s thrilled to have his wife back.  I’m so glad I could get back to him too.

Grace in Small Things 2/24/2011

Good day, it was. Good freaking day.

  1. Pedicures.  First one of the season and it was so incredibly wonderful, I don’t think I could even describe it.  My toes are gorgeous and my mind is at rest.  And, for an eye opening discussion, talk to a pedicurist about life with the feet.  Very interesting, in a Dirtiest Jobs in America kind of way.
  2. Excellent upper arm workout this evening throwing Rex up in the air.  Don’t worry, at 25lbs I wasn’t able to give him much of a lift, but it was enough for him to scream in paroxysms of joy.
  3. My parents had a fabulous time with Rex last night and went on and on this morning about how fun he is.  He is also apparently getting quite adept at climbing up their stairs.  I am once again thankful we live in a single story house.  He can climb stairs at grandma and grandpa’s house to his heart’s content and they get to deal with getting him down again.
  4. Malbec wine from Argentina.  Uber smooth and all around awesome.
  5. Kitty is kneading my tummy and it feels really good.  How can you say no to this face?


Grace in Small Things 2/23/2011

Busy day!

  1. Hosted Bunco this evening.  I’m done until next year, but I now have way too much food leftover.  Anyone want some hummus?
  2. Rex spent the night with the grandparents so that the Bunco ladies could be themselves.  I miss him.
  3. Cupcakes for desssert!
  4. Everyone loved Rex’s nursery.
  5. It was nice and warm today!

Onwards and upwards, always.

Grace in Small Things 2/22/2011

Loooooooooong day, but still good.

  1. There are flowers blooming in my garden.  I have done nothing to encourage this behavior, so I am thrilled.
  2. Rex held onto my pinky finger while I was giving him his bottle this evening.  I didn’t want him to finish the bottle because I would have let go of his finger.  I was even able to nuzzle and sniff his hair.  He smells so incredibly delicious.
  3. Really, really good hair day.
  4. Getting to lay around in my jammies watching TV with Mr. X this evening.
  5. I bought some Shamrock head boppy thingies for Rex and then modeled them on him.  I was howling at how freaking CUTE he looked.  He will be wearing those on his birthday and there will be pictures.

Onwards and upwards, always.

Grace in Small Things 2/21/2011

Another day, another dollar.

  1. Mah Jongg this evening and we had a great time just laughing and talking (oh, and playing too).
  2. Lovely note from a friend.
  3. Lunch with Mr. X and Rex.  We (Mr. X and I) had a fascinating discussion about who we would want to narrate our navigation system.  I voted Derek Jacobi or William Shatner.  Who would you pick?
  4. Listening to Rex giggle.
  5. Some much needed quiet time toda.

Onwards and upwards, always.

Grace in Small Things 2/20/2011

How is it that it’s the 20th already?

  1. Invigorating walk with Rex and G this morning.  I felt it in my glutes! The weather was lovely, too.
  2. Met an incredibly inspiring woman who is juggling alot and managing beautifully.
  3. Visited the book store with Rex.  Plucked him in his umbrella stroller, gave him two socks to play with and we were off to the races!  I love that stroller.
  4. Great dinner with my parents on their back deck.  We laughed a lot.
  5. I furminated the rug in our dining room.  I was both amazed and disgusted at the amount of animal hair that was in it.  Vacuuming apparently has been useless against the gravitational pull of kitty fur.  At least the rug is significantly cleaner now.

Onwards and upwards, always.

Grace in Small Things 2/19/2011

The sun came out late today, but it was still welcome.

  1. Rex blew me a kiss goodbye this afternoon!  It made my whole afternoon.
  2. Crock pot experiment was good – nothing exemplary, though.
  3. Lunch with my mom and Rex.  We all had a good meal.
  4. Slept in until 8:20!! Woot!
  5. I’m wondering if I’ll be invited to Kate and Wills wedding.  They just sent out the invites to 1900 lucky people.  But, it’s on a Friday. In England.  What would I wear?

Onwards and upwards, always.