Rex’s Dollars and $ense

It’s rare that I mention or speak about how much money we spent to have Rex, either here or with people outside of the computer.  Part of it is because we didn’t really have financial issues in trying to have him, hence no drama.  But the other part is that I think it’s a little tacky to talk about the gargantuan wad of cash that we spent over the course of our five year epic saga to have a real live baby when so many couples in similar situations don’t have the means to take their journey as fas as ours went.

I will break that silence today, though, because those nifty ladies Lori and babysmiling asked me (and everyone else) to answer some tough questions about finances and infertility.  What is the effect of finances on the path that we chose to take in building our family?  What will I tell Rex when he’s older about how much money we spent to have him?

For us, finances were a consideration, but not a deciding factor in terms of how far we would go to have a baby.  This was partly because my tubal surgery, 6 IUIs and 1 IVF (including meds for most of those) were covered by insurance.   Between the write offs that my insurance company was able to negotiate with Dr. Uterus and our generous lifetime benefit, we didn’t feel the full financial heat until IVFs number 2 and 3 with Dr. Salsa.  Even then, though, Dr. Salsa had very competitive rates for IVF.  I even got him to give me a discount for IVF number 3 that resulted in Rex.  So, money was an object, but it wasn’t the only object.

With each additional cycle, and disappointment – either with a negative or worse a miscarriage – the question that we would ask ourselves was did we have the emotional resources to continue on, not the financial ones.  We had about hit the wall when we decided to do IVF #3.  We both knew that if it didn’t work that we were probably done.

Of course, since it was IVF # 3 that produced Rex, are we going to tell him how much he cost?  No more than we are going to give him a bill when he turns 18 for all of the food and expenses he’s cost growing up.  It’s part of doing business.  The reality was that we were not in that fortunate group of people who got pregnant for free.  I won’t lie and say that this didn’t bother me greatly because it did.

I will tell him, though, how fortunate we were to be able to afford all of the treatments because (insert Hallmark Channel music here) they resulted in him.  The baby I wanted for so long and who turned out to be even more fantastic and amazing and every other superlative adjective in the English language.   We wouldn’t have had HIM – not a baby, but HIM – if it hadn’t been for all that we did and to me, that’s priceless.

This doesn’t mean that we won’t joke to him every once in a while that we spent his inheritance trying to have him.  It will be just like the time when I was in college and received a post card from my parents in Europe that simply said: “Study harder. Inheritance fading fast.”

Grace in Small Things 4/17/2011

  1. Rex is 13 months old today.  It literally seems like just yesterday that he was slathering his face with green icing.  He celebrated his 13th month birthday by standing unassisted for about 5 seconds, before he realized that he was standing and plopped down.
  2. We took my parents to the airport this afternoon for the start of their summer exile.  It was much easier to say goodbye this year than last year.  There were no tears, just promises to have a good summer.  This is a promise I intend to keep.
  3. I am ridiculously excited about getting a coupon organizer that I can take with me to the grocery store.  Half the time I have coupons and don’t remember that I have them. Maybe now I will be able to make use of them and save some moolah. Gotta pay for the kitchen renovation!
  4. Some friends of ours just had their second baby.  I am thrilled for them and not the least bit jealous.  It feels amazing.
  5. I had dueling Crock Pots going this afternoon making the house smell fantastic. Meatloaf and Spanish rice.  Yum.

Grace in Small Things 4/16/2011

  1. Got woken up this morning with Rex climbing all over me.  The most fabulous way to wake up, bar none.
  2. G had his annual check up today at the Vet.  Is it wrong that my vet takes more time with my dog than my primary care physician does with me?  Is it even more wrong that the appointment cost less? The good news is that he’s old but in good health.
  3. Rex napped for an unheard of total of 2.5 hours today. Bravo!
  4. The sunburn acquired in Honduras while snorkeling is itching like crazy. Hopefully this means that we’re about at the end of the nasty part and the peeling and healing will begin soon.
  5. Just once, I want to be able to say “Live from New York, it’s Saturday NIIIGGGGGGGHHHT!”  on national television.

Grace in Small Things 4/15/2011

Posting early in anticipation of a computer sabbatical for the next day or so.

  1. It’s my parents wedding anniversary today.  39 years of wedded bliss that is so easy to remember because they thoughtfully got married on Tax Day.  Awww.
  2. I was reminded today of the great job my parents did when I was a kid in hiding my Easter basket in the house for me to find.  It was a ritual growing up that I had to hunt for my basket and one year they almost stumped me by putting it in the microwave.  I ended up begging for hot and cold clues to help me find it.  I suspect they gave in because they really just wanted to get to the chocolate rather than because I was still looking.
  3. Walked G this morning while listening to Poker Face by Lady Gaga.  I love that she rhymed “bluffin” with “muffin” and “glue-gunnin” but she was totally serious about it.
  4.  The most thinking I will have to do this evening is to decide what to have for dinner and what wine to pair with it and that is a fabulous thing.
  5. Got the babysitter booked for next Saturday night so that Mr. X and I can have date night.  It’s been a while since we’ve had a date night (well, giant vacation notwithstanding) so we’re really looking forward to the dinner and a movie option.  With summer around the corner, though, our repertoire of choices expands to include minor league baseball games and miniature golf.

Grace in Small Things 4/13/2011

  1. If I had to sum up how I felt today, it was … masterful.
  2. We finally had to snip a lock of Rex’s bangs off so that they wouldn’t get in his eyes.  I was surprised at how hard it was to snip it off. I felt like I was cutting an appendage off.  He didn’t notice, though. He was already screaming from being tired and wet.
  3. Rex is having PE tubes put in tomorrow.  Please keep all of us in your thoughts tomorrow. It’s going to be a long ass day.
  4. I’m finally admitting to myself that I’m not looking forward to my parents leaving next week for six months.  It’s been so wonderful having them around that going cold turkey will be rough. Admitting it, though, feels really good because now I can make plans to get over it.
  5. I was able to listen to Beethoven’s entire 9th Symphony on YouTube while at work.  It certainly helped with number 1.

Grace in Small Things 4/12/2011

It’s Back!!

  1. Eight years ago today, I married my best friend and have reaped the best benefits ever since.  I have never been more in love with my husband than I am now and I only see it getting better.
  2. I’m very much enjoying Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey.  It’s a fascinating look into how a restaurant kitchen works and I love watching him tell it like it is.
  3. Rex has started to try to climb in my lap and I AM LOVING IT.  I love to cuddle with him, but he’s such an independent little guy that he’s always squirming away to go exploring.  So, to have him actively trying to get in my lap is heaven.  I’m like a Venus Fly Trap, though, when he gets in my lap – my arms close and I begin to kiss him within an inch of his little blonde-curled life and he struggles to get away while I hold on to him dearly.
  4. I woke up in the middle of the night last night to find a gray rectangle of fur next to my pillow that vibrated when I petted it.  Kitty wedged himself between our pillows like he does just about everynight, except this time he was respecting Mr. X’s boundaries and not wedging his kitty butt in Mr. X’s face.
  5. My parents brought us a nice cold bottle of champagne to help us celebrate our anniversary.  The only problem with this plan is that Rex has reached the stage where he sees a glass and he wants a drink out of it.  We can no longer hold Rex in one arm and drink drinky-drinks out of glasses in the other.  He lunges for the glass and wants a taste.  I have tried to explain to him the dangers of underage drinking, but he doesn’t want to hear it. So, on the floor he went while we sat around sipping our champagne.  This arrangement suited him fine as he simply crawled under my chair to get to the window and had a fabulous time looking out on the backyard and trying to sit on the dog.