When they belong to you, secrets can be so much fun to keep. It’s not easy, though, keeping a secret. Considering all of opportunities and avenues there are for sending out personal information for all to see through Facebook, Twitter and blogs, it requires a certain amount of fortitude to actually hold something back for a while and savor it, thus practicing the dying art of delayed gratification. And, when it comes time to finally share the secret so that others can enjoy it too it’s like throwing confetti at the party.
It’s time for me to give up my secret. No, it’s not that secret. There is no that secret to tell and even if there was, I wouldn’t do that to you. No, my little secret is that Mr. X and I took a vacation last week. Just the two of us. On a cruise. To the Caribbean.
Yes we did and it was travel magazine awesome.
To get the important information out of the way in the beginning: Rex was not left in the care of the dog, the cats or even the grannies who were pinching his cheeks a few weeks ago. This child was taken care of by the best pseudo-parents we could provide: our parents. He got to stay in our home, sleep in his crib, and have a generally great time with both sets at various points through the week and we got daily poop updates because you know, we love to hear about the poop. The dog and cats were also attended to by the grandparents but wouldn’t really care who was there as long as the food magically appeared at the designated hours.
Was it hard to leave Rex? Yes, for the very obvious reasons and no for the equally obvious reasons. We knew, though, that this was our last chance to have a real adult vacation for a while and we took it. I can easily say it was one of the best decisions that we’ve made in a long time. We were able to enjoy each other and really appreciate our time together. I realized later that part of the reason for this is that this was the first vacation that we had had in years – yes, years – that I was not either pregnant or we were trying to get pregnant. I didn’t have to worry about how much alcohol I drank or getting an awful phone call. I didn’t have to worry about timing or fertility or pretty much anything that I had been worrying about for the five years that it took us to have Rex. We were able to just have a normal, fabulous vacation and that was so important.
I can’t say that I didn’t feel guilty about leaving my one year old at home while we acted like newlyweds in the surf of tropical beaches. I did feel guilty and, even worse, a little selfish. How could I be choosing my decadent happiness over taking care of my child, even for just one week? You know what my answer was to that little voice?
Because I earned it and I deserved it. Taking a week to reconnect with Mr. X, enjoy each others’ company and have adventures that did not involve poop or screaming was exactly what I needed and I am so glad that I gave myself permission to take it. Because the only one who is saying no who matters is yourself and I chose to say yes.