I really thought I had left my bitter infertile lady days behind me. I beat infertility to have the most gorgeous, amazing child about whom there are not enough adjectives to describe his awesomeness. I kicked IF’s ass after a long, drawn out battle on multiple fronts. I won.
So, why was I pissed off to learn that our neighbor is pregnant again? Or my sister-in-law? Or random celebrities? It’s because I know at least with my sister-in-law and neighbor that they just decided to have another one and poof! No IVFs, no beta following, no waiting for shoes to drop, no miscarriages – in other words, the complete opposite of my experience with pregnancy. They got and get to have again the happy, ignorant experience that I don’t think I’ll be able to experience. And, it makes me angry.
The problem is that it has always made me angry. I initially thought having Rex would fix this, but it only temporarily buried it. It’s back now and showing no signs of going away. Part of the problem has always been that I feel like I need an explanation for why infertility and repeat losses struck me, not them. And, I’ve never been able to come up with one.