I’m fairly embarrassed that I haven’t blogged all year and the year is already into month three. I don’t have a good excuse, but I have plenty of bad ones. Should I start with February being short? How about January being f*&$ing ridiculous with the ice and cold and FOUR DAYS of school closures in less than a week? Maybe my children wearing me down to a nub by the end of the day so that I think I am only capable of drinking wine and surfing Facebook in those precious 90 minutes before my bedtime?
No, while all are sort of contributory, none are the real reason. The real reason is that the only time I feel compelled to write is to moan, wail and complain about how hard everything seems to be. When things are going well and right, I just want to sit back and bask in the glow of my perfection. When things aren’t going so well, I want to jump on the keyboard and pound out a diatribe against whatever is lousing up my day, or month or even year (yes, you got that reference, didn’t you?).
So, I finally decided to say f*ck it and write about things that are genuinely on my mind, which truth be told, are usually the difficult parts of my life, not the easy ones. I cannot and will not be the blogger who gives you a happy ending every time. Because, who wants to read that? I personally would much rather read about other people’s struggles and how they have managed to hack their way through it, however ugly it may be, than read a nice little present with a bow on top.
Right now, what is on my mind is that this winter is just kicking my ass, and I am not even in the snow zone. We’ve had some pretty crappy weather (see January above) but overall, we in the south are guaranteed a faster exit from winter than pretty much anyone else. No, the ass kicking has come from Little Miss. Poor child has been averaging at least one illness per month since October. Kidney infection, pneumonia, random fever illness, tick bite (where I had to remove the tick – OMG). I had really hoped that when she turned 1 in November, the bug train would slow down, but so far, she’s still attracting the germs like flies. In January, we actually managed a 6 week period of no illness only to get BACK TO BACK hand/foot/mouth in February followed not a week later by adenovirus with inflamed tonsils and high fever. I have had to resort to sending her pediatrician a gift card to the local movie theatre to take his family out because I have been pestering him so much.
And my poor baby girl is just miserable which makes me miserable. It breaks my heart when she whimpers and I can’t do much to help except force her to take some ibuprofen. She doesn’t understand that it will make her feel better. She doesn’t get why she feels like crap and her mouth is on fire. She just cries and cries and throws little baby daggers of guilt straight at my heart. If she could use the phone, she would have the grandparents on speed dial to tell them how much we suck as parents. I can only hope that spring will bring better weather and better health for all of us. Otherwise, I may have to start hitting my pediatrician with gift cards weekly.