Committed

Posting something everyday for 365 days straight is incredibly intimidating.  Each new year I contemplate this as my bloggy friends sign up with visions of blogging grandeur in their heads and I just shake my head in bemused confusion that someone could want to commit themselves to such an endeavor.

And, then I started Grace in Small Things and posting each day didn’t become so much of a chore as it was a way to recapture the day and simultaneously share it.  Ten days in and I’m still at it.

So, I figured I might as well make it official and sign up for WordPress’ Post-A-Day challenge.  No promises, but lots of promise. Wish me luck!

 

 

New Year, New Name

Thanks to everyone who participated in my little contest. Your ingenuity once again far outstrips mine!  I am too literal for my own good and my attempts at a name were very two-dimensional.

In the end, congratulations are due to Wilma who won the prize for both pointing out the obvious and for naming this here blog with her comment:

You already have one, kinda.

aka Mrs.X

How right you were. Email me and let me know what you want me to make you!

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May 2011 be the year that many dreams come true, fewer are dashed and all of us find peace.

Name That Blog!

Okay, peeps.  2011 is right around the corner, I’m growing my hair out (again) and I turn 35 in less than two months.  What does all of this mean?

It means that I’m itching again. Itching for change, for mixing up, for something new.  Since divorce is out of the question (Mr. X politely, but firmly refused when I requested one last week to pursue Ryan Reynolds, explaining that he may look very good, but is apparently a real jerk) and money for redecorating the kitchen is not a line item in our budget, I honed in on that one other area that I could do something with: this here blog.

I asked you all in April whether or not I should find a new space for my half-baked well-thought out and coherent blatherings and the resounding answer was no.  I am not revisiting that question.  But, the fact remains that I am no longer as young – hello 35! – nor am I technically infertile anymore (although emotionally, once an infertile, always an infertile).

My compromise? I want to stay here, but have a new name and the freedom to write about the wider world.  I’ve been using what little gray matter I have to come up with a new name that meets so many different criteria: catchy, short, memorable, descriptive (but not overly so), witty, pithy, downright humorous and recognizing the drama that we made it through to get here.

Once again, in my hour of need, I turn to you, bright shining spots of humanity for help. What in the Sam Hell do I name this blog?!

Consider the topics that it will cover:  motherhood after infertility and miscarriage, general parenting blathering, pets, husbands (as pets and on their own), books, movies, TV, hobbies, my mad Mahjongg Skillz, my overall general awesomeness, your general overall awesomeness, current events, not so current events and pretty much everything else that’s fit to print (except my job. I refuse to talk about my job). So, no mentions of me being a lawyer. Everything else is fair game.

All I ask is that the new name cannot be the name of another blog. I want to keep it for a while and not get sued.

To sweeten the pot, I will offer to the winner a handmade item such as a holder for knitting needles, placemats, or a totebag (it’s totally negotiable and I have awesome fabrics).  Several readers have been recipients of my handiwork and swear up and down that they love it (even if they secretly give it to the Goodwill), so what’s there to lose?

Get Cracking!

Choose Your Own Blog Adventure

Did you ever read those Choose Your Own Adventure books in middle school?  I did.  I couldn’t resist even though my parents didn’t consider them to be “good” reading – meaning reading that would help my language skills.  Unfortunately, the novelty wore off pretty quickly once I realized that they all had basically the same plot over and over and over again.  I also discovered Judy Blume’s more age-appropriate fare and moved on to Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret.

I thought of them the other day as I pondered – likely at a 2am feeding, I honestly don’t remember – what to do with this here blog.  I see two possible paths: if you want to continue writing on this blog, turn to page 4.  If you want to start a new blog, turn to page 8.

The thing is, I can’t decide.  Part of me wants to make a clean break, start fresh now that we have embarked on parenthood.  This blog was designed to document our infertility journey and for now, that journey is over.  Part of me thinks that it would be inappropriate to continue documenting our journey in parenthood on this blog.

On the other hand, this blog has meant a lot to me and to a lot of other people.  I wouldn’t delete it – it would stay up for all to see, but part of me cannot imagine not having this blog.

So, I’m putting it to a vote.  Help me decide what to do!

UPDATED: the ayes have it. I’m going to stick around here. Thanks for voting!

Happy Blo-go-ver-sary to Meee!

Yowza – I’ve been doing this blog thing for two years. Not too shabby for a girl who picks up hobbies like men in bars and discards them pretty soon thereafter.  Although, this has always been more of a hobby.  It’s been therapy, a chance to meet new friends, and good writing practice.   I’ve reaped all three of those benefits and that alone has made it all worth it.

Happy birthday, little blog.

Damn, that cake looks good.

image: Jessica N. Diamond

The 300

According to WordPress, this is my 300th post on this here blog.

Wow.

Who knew I would still be going at 300?  You would have thought that I c0uld have pretty much said it all by now.  Apparently not. 

Am I sorry that there is more to say, that I haven’t reached that point in my journey where I can stop writing about infertility? Not really.  I have a feeling that if Ididn’t write about infertility, I would bitch about something else.  So, why not write about something that’s really important rather than moan about the more trivial aspects of my life?  Wait, I do that, too.  Oh well. It’s my blog, right?

Who knows how many more posts there will be on this here blog.  With my current rate of luck, I suspect there will be plenty more. But, most importantly, I want to thank everyone who has read just one or all 300 of these posts.  I can only imagine how tedious it has been and for that, you deserve 300 toothpicks.

image: justmakeit

A Letter, An Update and An Award

A Letter

I have resisted the temptation to blog about Oc.to-Mom.  What could I say that others have not already? Why glorify and give her even more of the attention that she so desperately craves?  Because I really have something to say. And it is best put in a letter.

Dear Lady of the High Order Multiples:

Normally, I would congratulate you on the overwhelming success of your IVF.  I mean, most of us just want one, but to get 8 in one shot! You have instant teams for just about any contact sport.  And, the taxpayers of the great state of California should be really thrilled that they are now the proud supporters of your 14 children.  But, for me, I just have one thought:

You are not helping.

You are not helping those of us who are going through IVF right now.  You are not helping those of us who are using it because we don’t have any children, let alone six. 

You are like the guy who tried to blow up his shoes over the Atlantic and now we all have to take off our shoes every freaking time we want to get on an airplane.  You are like the guy who put his hand underneath the lawn mower, got it chopped off and sued so that now we all have to read the stupid sign that says, don’t stick your hand under the lawn mower.  Because you just had to have all six embryos put back when you already had six children who you could not support, and because you just had to have all eight babies, never mind at what risk to them, we are all going to be under that much more scrutiny.  We are going to be given the looks, asked the questions, implied that there is no right to experience pregnancy and child birth and you know what? there are thousands of children looking for homes, so why don’t you just adopt?

You are not helping the rest of us who are still struggling to even start a family.

I hope in my heart of hearts that you can make this work.  I hope that those babies are not at a deficit for your overwhelming desire to have as many children as possible.  I hope that you haven’t totally screwed it up for the rest of us.

Sincerely,

Mrs. X

An Update

In a little less than an hour, I will have my third date of the weekend with the Follistim Pen.  Can I tell you how much I am loving the pen? Holy moly. It makes the Menopur mixing of my past seem so… 90s.  Dial and jab! What an amazing little invention.  And, I was not able to win over Nurse Chipper to let me do them in my upper thigh rather than my stomach, but it turned out that this was not a problem. I haven’t had any problems with the Follistim injections in the tummy region, so it must have been the Lupron.

I’m already beginning to feel that familiar twinge. Down there.  You know, the one where the girls start perking up and creaking awake after their Lupron-induced hibernation.  Good times.

An Award

To end on a high note, Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled has bestowed an award upon moi:

The Honest Scrap Award, given to blogs in the opinion of the giver are brilliant in content and design.  Thanks, Loribeth! Your check  is in the mail.  As with these things, there are rules. 

 1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

I’m going to do this in reverse order.  Here are the 10 things:

1. I have a ginormous headache right now and it is not being helped by Mr. X playing that infernal game with the sound on high!
2. I hate bananas. Always have. My parents tried feeding them to me and I just spit them out.
3. I hate liquer in desserts.
4. Wow. Two hates in a row. Um, I love taking pictures.
5. I took a three hour nap on Saturday and still slept for 12 hours Saturday night.
6. I’m thinking about wearing my awesome orange dress tomorrow.
7. I’m procrastinating because next I have to iron.
8. This headache is really awful.
9. I think I will mention to Mr. X that maybe getting headphones would be a good idea. For him.
10. I’m addicted to Chapstick.

Unfortunately, the rest of the list is going to have to wait since I have to take some Tylenol and go iron. In that order. I live for pleasure.

Quality, Not Quantity

Everyday Everyonce in a while, I peruse back through some of my previous posts.  I like to read what I wrote at various points, both to see how much has changed, and how much hasn’t.  I also like to read because, frankly, I really enjoy reading what I wrote. It gives me warm fuzzies, like reading a great recommendation from a former employer or a card from Mr. X when were first courting.  What can I say? When it comes to my writing, I am at my most vain. 

I was reading some of the posts from last month when I did NaBloPoMo, though and I did not get my usual fuzzies.  I checked to make sure that my fuzzy-meter was still calibrated and it was (damn! that was a good post). So, the lack of fuzzies must have been directly related to the writing.  Case in point: 90% of the posts did nothing for me.  (Ugh, did I really write that Clomid made my teeth hurt? Oof.)  I pondered this fuzzy deficit and realized that for me, the act of having to write something everyday inevitably lead to less than the high quality product that I like to put out. (Oh, Lord, I just saw that I wrote “I like to put out.”  Insert juvenile snickering here). 

Sure, I can do 30 posts in 30 days.  But, did I honestly add something to the general discourse? Not really. 

You’re probably thinking, well, duh. 

I see now with perfect clarity that there was no way I was going to be able to produce brilliance night after night.  But, bless my overachieving little heart, I really thought I could.  I think I’ll leave it to the professionals next time.

I can say that I’m exceedingly glad to be free of the tyranny of daily posting.  I can let posts develop, simmer and go through multiple revisions before they really say what I want them to say.  And, if they still suck, well then, I’ll just let them sit and think about their transgressions in my drafts folder.

I’ve learned the valuable lesson that just because I can post, doesn’t mean that I should, at least not every day.

Mission Accomplished

Since I have zero connections that would allow me to land a plane on top of an aircraft carrier with the banner ‘Mission Accomplished’, I’ll just have to settle for this here blog title.  I have officially completed NaBloPoMo! 

Although, I don’t know who I am more proud of: me for doing it, or you for reading it.  I’ll call it draw and buy you a round, if you buy the next one.

It was fun, but there were some nights when the last thing I wanted to do was be erudite, eloquent and actually type something. But, push through I did, and now I can proudly display the little I did it button.  Hopefully, this experience won’t burn me out on posting, like doing IComLeavMo did on commenting (yes, ladies, I’m still having difficulty commenting after that kegger). 

I think I’ve earned a lovely margarita.  I think I shall go hunt one up!

From the Rooftops

Another Dreamer at An Unwanted Path has been so kind as to bestow an award upon me.  It’s the “I Will Not Be Silent About Infertility” Award.  Thanks!

As those who read this blog know, I have no difficulty whatsoever saying exactly what I think about infertility – at least in writing.  I have to admit, though, that I feel a little like a fraud, since I rarely discuss my infertility outside of this blog.  I would say that it is because I get so much off my chest here, I don’t have to say it elsewhere, but it’s also because I want just focus on other things outside of the computer. I like leaving my infertility here, in this little box.

Or maybe, this is yet another example of my inability to take a compliment.

So, here are the rules:

1. Link to the post that started it all. 
2. Nominate 4 others who have not been “silent about their infertility”
3. Enjoy speaking out and speaking up 😀

My four others who have shouted from the rootops about their infertility, are:

May, Shelli, Shinejil. and Me. Go forth and shout!