That’s What Friends Are For

hopper_chop-sueyI have a very hard time asking for help from my friends.  It always starts a running tally in my mind, “ok, so and so had us over for dinner, so now we need to have them over for dinner” and I begin to feel very guilty if the perceived balance of favors gets out of my hand.  With the drama of last week, I think I have piled up so many favors to repay that I will be cooking from now until December. 

When I started bleeding last Monday, I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to walk the dog.  I intended to remain horizontal until told that it was safe to do otherwise.  When we saw Dr. Salsa the next day, I was told to take it easy, and that included not walking the dog.  Mr. X was able to pick up some of the slack, but only in the evenings.  My dear friend in the neighborhood graciously stepped in and squired G about the neighborhood three to four times during the week between the bleeding and when I was finally cleared. 

As if that wasn’t enough, she also took me to my latest monitoring appointment* with Dr. Salsa since Mr. X thoughtlessly scheduled business travel this week (I give him no credit for the fact that this was scheduled several weeks in adanvce).   She had such a great time that she even offered to come on our other appointments.  

How did I ever manage to find such a wonderful friend?

How did I ever manage to find such wonderful bloggy friends who left such lovely notes last time?

How can I possibly make all of this up to everyone?

*I was still anxious about this appointent because even though we are officially farther than we’ve ever gotten before, I cannot let myself begin to assume that everything will work out.  But, the minute the picture came up on the screen, Little Bugger was no kidding spinning around like a disco ball.  The arms were longer and the heartbeat was a nice 180.  It also measured 11w2d even though at my appointment I was 11 weeks at the appointment.  We’re still taking it one day at a time.

Miss November

This evening, G and I hosted eight of the neighborhood ladies for Bunco.  There was much shrieking, drinking and noshing of the healthy and not so-healthy dining options I provided.  The kitties were banished to the laundry room because they would be underfoot and underhand stealing food at any given opportunity.  Well, actually, only one, The Bad One, would be guilty of this.  Fluffy would likely curl up on the couch and snooze.  But, I wanted them to keep each other company, so Fluffy was banished too.

sewpixieThis go round was much better than when I last hosted Bunco.  I hosted in February, right after I found out I was pregnant.  I was already nervouse about that.  I also decided that I was going to cook everything, so I spent a ridiculous amount of time whipping together items only some of which were even touched.  And, about half way through the evening, I thought I had begun to spot.  So, I had a minor freak out in the bathroom.  At the end, I also wasn’t very tired, which made me even more nervous.  I wasn’t able to enjoy it at all.

So, when the usual Miss November sent an email earlier this month flatly stating that there was no way she could host this month, I jumped on the chance to switch months with her so that I could wash away the bad karma of February bunco. 

And, I’m so pleased to report that it worked.  A good time was had by all. G was an angel and everyone just loved petting him and remarking how well-behaved he was.  He is now enjoying a well-deserved conk-out on his new doggie bed.  I got to have some fabulous cheese, wine and the cupcakes that I bought that have been tempting me in the fridge since Friday.  As if that wasn’t enough: I won $5. Not bad for a Monday.

image: SewPixie

A Welcome Change

Last November, on a weekend not unlike this one, my best friend called me after I hadn’t heard from her for a while.  We made chit-chat and then, she told me.  She was pregnant, almost 10 weeks.  That was a hard conversation.  I did my best to sound excited for her and I asked all of the right questions.  I didn’t immediately try to get off the phone to go and sob in private.  I knew that I had to do the right thing.

This November, she hadn’t called me for a while. Again.  I had sent her an email and left her a voice mail, but there was nothing.  I couldn’t help but remember back to last November when her radio silence was likely due to her avoiding telling me that she was pregnant.  I didn’t think that they were in the market to have another child this early, but things happen.  There was definitely a chance that my November surprise was repeating itself. 

So, when the phone rang this afternoon and I saw her number on the caller ID, my heart sank just a little in anticipation of what news might be on the other end.  I’ve gotten used to this kind of feeling whenever an old friend in my age group calls from out of the blue.  But, I’m tired of losing friendships, so I answer the phone anyway and wait for the news.  More often than not, it doesn’t come and I congratulate myself on taking the chance. 

Congratulations are in order again  … for me.  It was just a nice catch-up call and we made plans to meet up over Thanksgiving.  And, I’m proud of myself for taking the chance, taking the phone call no matter what the news might have been. 

I’m looking forward to seeing her and meeting the baby.

You Don’t Know Me

citizen_smith58Reminders that I do not, in fact, know much at all come streaming in throughout the day, every day.  I like to say that I relish the opportunity to learn something knew, but there are times when it just annoys me and makes me feel very stupid, or worse – out of touch.

My best friend who had her first child in May is an excellent example.  After the baby was born, she clued me in that she too had a blog (first something I didn’t know).  I looked at it and it was customary and usual stuff about the baby, the dogs, etc.  All of these are topics that she and I discuss in our correspondence.

But, then, other stuff starts sneaking in – politics, family, friends.  I think I always knew her political leanings, but didn’t realize just how strongly she felt about them until her post about the election.  She mentions friends that I have never met and family who I’ve never heard of.  Reading post after post, I had a dawning realization that I don’t know squat about my friend anymore.

I reached back in the vault of memories and realized that the last I heard of her friends was in college.  I can’t remember the last time we discussed politics or ideas, or anything more than just what the dogs are doing or how the baby is or how my work is going or how our dog is.  

Were we always like this?  We didn’t become friends until high school and went to separate colleges. In fact, the last time we lived in the same state was 14 years ago.  We had a lot of fun in high school, but I don’t think we ever had existential conversations.  And, what’s strange is that we could have. We could have had amazing conversations and yet we didn’t.  And I have no idea why.

So, now, we are left to discussing the A, B, Cs of daily living and there isn’t much else going on.  Distance has had a lot to do with it.  We don’t email much and rely on the phone to keep in touch.  You really don’t want to get into a political discussion when someone is on the hook for the call.  And, she is (understandably) busy with the baby.   But, will there be a time when we have a friendship that is based more on just shared experiences of the past, like sharing of ideas now?

I’d like to think so. She is a wonderful person.  She married a wonderful man who one time actually made me laugh until I cried.  We have so much going for us, but it seems like we are doomed to wallow in the mire of trifles.  I can’t ignore the fact that she is now a mom, which is probably the most amazing thing that has ever happened to her, and I have no way of relating to that whatsoever. 

Perhaps the hurdle is mine in thinking that I couldn’t have any claim on a discussion other than about a baby.

image: citizen_smith58