Unfiltered

rubyblossomMy mouth has been known to get me into trouble on numerous occasions, particularly when I was younger.  I lacked that certain 2-second delay between a thought in the head and vocalizing it, word for word to an unsuspecting victim.  While I got lots of admiration for ‘telling it like it is’, it wasn’t until I was dating Mr. X that I began to get negative feedback about this behavior from someone who’s opinion mattered to me (this is also possibly because alot of these ‘vocalizations’ were about and to his friends – well, just the ones I didn’t like).

I began to think about what I was going to say before I said it and implemented the 2-second delay.  Sure, a few zingers made it out everyonce in a while, but I was able to keep that filter lodged nicely in place so that the things coming out of my mouth were non-controversial. And let’s face it, I was a nicer (albeit more boring) person for it.

I missed that girl, sometimes, though.  There is a certain freedom in saying exactly what you think.  I felt muzzled and self-censored, but I also knew that most of my comments would not be appreciated in the manner in which they were given by the person receiving them.  Only a select few of my friends know me well enough and appreciate my sense of humor to let me get away with this habit.  So, to preserve the feelings of unsuspecting others, I literally keep my mouth shut.

But, I fear the filter is slipping.  I have been fortunate so far in this pregnancy not to have the abject rage that I experienced in my first one.  But, I haven’t been immune to the hormonal cocktail and I think this is how it is manifesting itself.  My fuse is shorter and I find myself less likely to suffer fools.  I’m having that familiar urge to just let it all out.  In short, it would appear that the bitch is coming back.

I learned the hard way, though, that sometimes telling it like it is, while momentarily satisfying, is not a good long term strategy to winning friends.   Unfortunately, right now I seem to be focused on the momentarily satisfying, or craving, as it were.  And, I indulge my other cravings (today’s was a Frosty from Wendy’s), so the theory goes, why not this one too?  The thing is, I’d like to retain some semblance of my former civil self.  So, for now, it looks like the filter is going to be dusted off, the 2-second rule implemented.  Because, I may be a harpie, but I’m not ready to act like one.

image: rubyblossom

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