Welcome to the Comfort Uterus Inn!

Thank you for choosing the Comfort Uterus Inn!  We here at the CUI are determined to make your stay as pleasant and as long as possible.  I see that we were expecting to welcome four of you, but in the end it is just two.  No problem! CUI can accommodate both of you with out any problems.  You will find that we have prepared everything with meticulous care for your burrowing pleasure and will continue to keep things at optimal levels so that you have no excuse whatsoever to want to leave. 

Please note that check out time is in nine months, give or take a few days. And, there is a penalty for early withdrawal.

So, get comfy – but not in the hallways! – and gestate away!

image: givepeasachance

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As you can see, everything went fine this morning.  I was loving the Valium, which I took on a mostly empty stomach since I was so nervous up until then that it went straight to the top of my head and I was not the least bit fazed by the process.  There was still some cramping, but it wasn’t as bad as last time. Mr. X was also there with me in the Smurf suit they made him wear last time and I just held his hand and pretended we were snuggling in bed rather than sitting in a procedure room with the goods on display.   Dr. Uterus pronounced it a super smooth transfer.

Of the six totscicles that we had on ice, only two made it out of the thaw, but those two were apparently “beautiful” according to Dr. Uterus.  I’ll take two beauties over four crap embryos any day.

I’m now on couch potato duty (twist my arm) until next week. 

As for the dreaded beta, I’m keeping my options open.  See, I never did the POAS thing after any of my 6 IUIs or my IVF.  This was mostly because each time I used an HCG trigger and a false positive would be worse than a false.  So, I just didn’t do it and waited for the blood results.  The problem with that plan, though, is I have come to DREAD the phone call.  I have tried any different number of ways to make it more pleasant – have Nurse to a T leave a message and I get it when I’m ready, answer the phone directly so I can know that moment, etc.  None of it has really worked. 

This time, I’m flirting with the idea of POAS the day before my scheduled beta so that a) I can grieve/celebrate before anything is official and b) I can decide if I want to do the blood test at all.  We’ll see how I feel closer to beta time. 

Until then, I am sending telepathic messages to the two totscicles bouncing around in my uterus to burrow in for a nine month hibernation.

As Easy As S-H-G

What a difference a weekend makes. 

When I learned that I had to have a repeat SHGfor this upcoming FET, I was understandably annoyed as my last go round with the saline catheter AND dildocam all shoved up in the hoo-ha at the same time did not go so well.  So, when given the choice by Nurse to a T as to when to have the SHG – Friday or today – I did some important calculus taking into account the following variables:

1) Friday morning is the time when ALL of the big bellies are in the office for monitoring with the high risk OB with whom Dr. Uterus shares office space and

2) The office closes at 12 on Friday, so there is usually a really large rush to get everybody in and out, and

3) I was crazy busy at work and Friday was not going to be any different, but

4) If I had it done on Friday, I could enjoy my weekend without the Spectre of the SHG hanging over my head, OR

5) I could do it on Monday morning, thus prolonging when I would have to show up for work, and

6) There was less chance of a big belly dance.

All of this dizzying calculation was done in a split second – even though it took a lot longer to type it out – and I chose Monday AM.

It turned out to be a good choice.  I was relaxed from my weekend, after having decided not to think about or worry about the SHG procedure, rather just enjoy my weekend, and I had a leisurely morning before my appointment.  By the time I got to Dr. Uterus’s office, I was pretty calm, and – bonus! – only one bulging belly was in the waiting room.  I had a good book and my iPod just in case, but in the end just enjoyed my book.

The procedure itself was still uncomfortable, with a few ‘ows’ on my part, but nothing like last time where I went home in tears (more out of frustration than anything).  The best news: my ute is cute! Well, there are no abnormalities and everything looks great.

I also had a lovely sit-down meeting with Dr. Uterus to discuss the details of the FET.  He has approved my request for Valium which apparently is not done routinely for transfers (I certainly didn’t have it for my ET with my IVF), so that was very nice.  We will start with a thaw of three embryos and depending upon the number that survive and the quality after thaw, we may then go thaw the other three.  We sent five As and one B+ into thaw, so hopefully, they will reemerge with still good quality.  Ideally, he wants to put back 4 which I am ok with.  All of this is still dependent upon the results of the biopsy, but assuming is ok, we’re on track. 

We have a tentative transfer date of 8/8/8.  An auspicious date if ever there was one as my favorite number is 8.  I have been popping my Estrace pills since last Wednesday and will start the butt injections on Aug. 5.  Never a dull moment.

And, just for a little infertility humor, I shared with Dr. Uterus that glorious news of the expansion of our family through adoption.  I merely told him that we had adopted – his eyes got very wide and surprised, but he recovered quickly to tell me congratulations.  I began to describe our newest addition: 6 years old, gold hair, brown eyes… four legs.  He had been had and he knew it. 

Final score: Dr. Uterus: 0, Me: 1.

I am so wicked, it hurts.

Ready or Not?

I think Big Red is beginning to trickle in and so marks the beginning of our For Real FET cycle – as opposed to the mock cycle that we just finished with the Fabulous Parting Gift of an endometrial biopsy.  I was at lunch with Mr. X. this afternoon discussing the upcoming events (SHG, FET, oh my!) and I once again thought: can I handle this if it actually works? Am I ready to begin the rollercoaster of beta numbers and OB scans? Right now, I don’t know.  I really don’t know.

All of this may be academic since there is by no means a certainty that this will work at all, but I wanted to know for myself now if I was ready to handle everything that goes with a month where you have more than a slim chance of getting pregnant.  Am I prepared if this actually works?

When we first started down the IUI road, I was so fixated on getting that phone call that the test was positive.  That was the hardest part, right?  I was blissfully unaware that that was just the beginning of a very, very long windy road.  We took the Wrong Turn of Miscarriage on my 11-week appointment and our ride was over.  It was over even faster this last time.

As I posted before, I can no longer visualize myself getting past the 12-week mark.  It is literally inconceivable to me.  So, there is the temptation to see this as the beginning of yet another sad chapter.  The challenge is not so much getting pregnant now, as it is staying pregnant.  Of course, it was getting to the point where I thought I would never get pregnant and I did.  Now, it is where I don’t think I will have a live baby.

Who knows? Maybe it’s a matter of setting the bar a little farther.

image: windy_sydney