Sneak Preview?

Despite having been pregnant twice, I can honestly say that I have never had a positive home pregnancy test.  In fact, I think I’ve peed on a stick all of maybe six times in my life and each time the absence of the second line mocked me. 

tony-newellMy streak continues. 

As of 9dp5dt, Brand X HPT refused to show that second line. 

I’m doing surprisingly ok with this information as it confirms the lack of symptoms that I’ve had (boobs have been annoyingly calm and uninflated or sore) and likely spares me the chance of a D&C in April.  It also resolves the angst which has been building since Monday.  And, I have to admit that I’m a little bit relieved (although not like last time), which means that I was probably almost ready to really be pregnant again, but not quite. 

I’m sure the anger and frustration will come eventually, but it hasn’t hit yet.  Forewarned is forearmed.

Beta is on Friday (the 13th!), still leaving me the opportunity to suck down some booze this weekend whilst eating herbed brie and chugging a Diet Coke with lime.  

I will ask one favor, though – please do not drop the S word (‘sorry’ or any version of ‘sympathy’). Instead, feel free to use other ‘s’  words (shit, suck, shitty shitty bang bang) and tell me what your favorite thing to do is after a failed IVF cycle.  I’ve got a whole weekend coming up that will likely be filled with that three letter BFN combination, so I need some ideas!

image: tony newell

24 thoughts on “Sneak Preview?

  1. Argh. I am mad at your stupid HPT!! So angry.

    Wine, lots and lots and lots of wine. And Cheese. Expensive cheese, cheap cheese. In fact, a can of cheez-wiz and a stack of Ritz crackers does it for me.

  2. Well, I’ve not had a failed IVF, but after a cancelled IVF I like to shop for big ticket items (furniture, designer handbags, etc). Stay away from the mall though…pregnant women LOVE their malls.

    Also, I like to drink a lot…I prefer to go to dive bars in the mid afternoon and then push on until evening.

    Or maybe a weekend get away? This last weekend post-cancellation I got a massage and a facial.

  3. can it start with an “f”? i’ll assume so, and just say: “f&!k, f*^k, f@#k.”

    i think brie, booze, and diet coke sounds like a good start for drowning away the sorrows. i’d probably top it off with a few pounds of chocolate and some greasy food from my favorite dive.

    im strugging with how to end this comment without including the “s” word, so i’ll just stop. (know i want to say it though!) sending you big love.

  4. Hmm.. a word challenge. It sucks that your HPTs are still mocking you. After a BFN cycle, I always drank and drank heavily. And eat. And pretty much do whatever the hell I wanted. We saw Spider Man 3 (an “S” word!) after IVF #1. Can’t remember what we did after FET #1. But drinking was always a component.

  5. Indeed, Mrs. X, I hear you loud and clear on the “s” word, particularly having had enough of them myself to last through at least 7 upcoming funerals, including my own. If indeed this is an occasion where the “s” word should be thrown about, which I’ll hold out judgment on, then it’s time to plan a trip, involving a beach boy, little umbrellas and shopping. Raw fish delicacies, caffeine, bungee jumping and more alcohol should be included. Most importantly, the mantra “I’ll live to fight and conquer another day” should be repeated during each activity.

  6. Hows’bout I just scream “Love A Duck!” for you?

    Having never been down the IVF road, I cannot answer that question….but I have been on the no second line on the freaking HPT many, many, many times while TTC. Most of the time I cried in the bathroom floor for a while, then got good & mad for a while, then went shopping for frivolus things…like a bright yellow Jeep (that I never bought, but stalked for months).

    Shoes. Sexy, expensive, uncomfortable shoes. They mend a multitude of woes.

  7. Holy Mother of Pearls! I wish you HAPPINESS during your fun that you’re going to have this weekend. May you drink tons of heavily alcohol’d drinks and have tons of fun, reagardless of what you’re doing.

  8. Mother of all that is…oooh….that makes me so mad! Stupid stick…stupid stupid stick!

    And I’m with Farmwife on the “what next” step…shoes…oooohhh…Prada, Gucci, Ferragamo, Dolce…Heck…just shopping in general, but somewhere high end…avoid those family places at all costs…

    We ended up taking off to Vancouver for a long weekend…and eating lots and lots of really expensive yummy food…

  9. Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!!! I think it’s more appropriate than the “S” word 😉

    I’ve never seen the double lines either. I think drinking is the perfect solution to this. It’s exactly what I’d do (and just may soon). The brie sounds like a nice additon.

    Keep us posted

  10. After my 3 failed fresh/FET cycles, I grabbed a wonderfully flavored coffee within seconds of the bad news. It would distract me for oh, about 10 minutes. Suck, this does.

  11. I have not yet had a failed IVF. However. My favorite non-pg thing to do is DRINK LIKE A FISH. Well, actually there are better things but I don’t hang out with shady enough characters to have access to such substances any more…

  12. we must get our HPT from the same store, ours lack that ability to show that second line too..damn things…

    We have our beta tomorrow as today is 8dp5dt and HPT was stark white with only one, single, lonley pink line… This was our last frozen embryo that we had from this IVF cycle…. We’re not even sure where to go from here…

    Our weekend will be filled with the same BFN letter combo, and we’re looking fowoard to spending the weekend eating bad food, drinking some yummy drinks, and cursing this whole ttc crap all while thinking of our next step…

    shit. this shit sucks. it really sucks. It’s not fair and it sucks. Women who are TTC after a certain amount of failed attempts should just become pregnant….magically.

  13. Such shit. All of it. Such. Effing. Shit.

    My favorite post-BFN activities: strenuous exercise (usually because I’d been such a slug during stimming and the 2WW) followed by a positively sinful ice cream concoction. And some wine. (Not necessarily in that order.)

    Sending hugs and lots of love.

  14. Sigh…such a shitty situation. Stay strong! Spend Saturday and Sunday sitting still, skiing, sulking, swimming, swilling Stolichnaya, and sleeping.


  15. –online oggling of potential purchases online (saves you from any annoying bumps or baby aisle bs)

    –an entire bottle of good champagne

    –really nice chocolates (go well with above)

    –fish and chips (though not with the bubbly)

    –loud music, preferably out a car window

    –Going on a really cool little day trip or a nice long hike (hippy version)

    –Watching your favorite truly stupid tv show/movie series all friggin’ day

    I know that sometimes, a BFN feels more merciful than a BFP. Whatever it winds up being, I’m with you, Mrs. X.

  16. Suggest drinking heavily. I didn’t manage to fit in any heavy drinking after my last failed IVF, and I just started Lupron for upcoming IVF. (I think I still have time to squeeze in some drunken debauchery, though, so I’ll toast a virtual few to you, how’s that?)

  17. no “s” words here mrs. x.

    i agree with the others that you should drink heavily, eat some sushi and some unpasteurized cheese.


  18. Well, I’m hoping for a last minute surprise for you, but if that fails I have plenty of 4 letter words to spew on your behalf.

    My favorite thing to do was drink (champagne’s my favorite) and have some retail therapy. I thought my Discover card was going to burst into flames when I did the two together, though. I recommend shopping first! 🙂

    And a good, deep massage. Don’t forget a massage. It may not fix everything, but it comes damn close. For a while, anyway.

    Big hugs to you – hang in there…..

  19. Hi – here at your blog for first time from LFCA. How about, this SUCKS?! Mani/pedis can be good post IVF therapy for me. sometimes drinking. kinda depends on my mood. Retail therapy seems to help no matter what the ailment. No matter how you do it, please take care of yourself.


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