Same As It Never Was

Ah, the joys of the postpartum body.

While I was pregnant, I didn’t give one rat’s ass of thought about what my body might be like after growing a little human and then evicting him, at the whopping size of 8lbs 5oz and over a foot and a half long through the in-door.  I knew that the tummy area might be a little jiggly for a while and I figured it would take some time for the weight that I had so thoughtfully and doggedly put on to support the little human to come off.  So it’s no surprise that the tummy is not it’s former flat self or that the hips and booty are a little more generous making my favorite jeans rather explicit when wrestled on.

I was still surprised when I surveyed my landscape, though, to notice that my boobs, not the largest to start with, had actually shrunk.  Yes, shrunk.  They have been inflated and deflated so many times through pregnancy and nursing that it’s a wonder they are still on the top half of my body, but it was still a shock to put on a bra from my previous life and see how much room there was.  Mr. X doesn’t seem to mind, but still.  I still also have those tattoos of pregnancy; my linea nigra hasn’t disappeared nor have some freckles on the mid-section that cannot thank the sunshine for their existence.

The biggest shocks however have come from the inside.  I don’t care that my OB advised that Mr. X and I could resume nookie six weeks post-partum.  We waited until 8 weeks and it hurt like a mofo for the first half and then I didn’t feel much of anything for the second half.  Common sense dictates that if you stretch something to the size of a cantaloupe, you should expect that it might take it a long time to get back to its normal size.  Common sense and I parted ways at about week 30 in my pregnancy and we have not made up since.  So, genuine shock and dismay followed. It’s getting better, at least on the tightening front, but it still hurts. A lot.

And then there is the weird problem: to put it simply, there’s trouble in my alimentary canal.  About four weeks postpartum, I started having bad digestive problems.  I’ve always had a sensitive stomach so I figured it was just something I ate. But, the problems didn’t go away.  They have been so persistent (going on six weeks now) that I have earned myself the Old People’s Test – a colonoscopy! If you ask me nicely, I might even post pictures.

To recap, the boobs are smaller, the tummy is lumpier, the sex is painful and I get to have a camera placed in the other location where the sun doesn’t shine because of continuing troubles down below.  But, Rex is almost on the verge of laughing and can put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night.  I think that’s a fair trade.

7 thoughts on “Same As It Never Was

  1. They say it takes 18 months for the body to right itself after pregnancy. With that in mind, I hope things will improve over time.

    I didn’t even get the cantaloupe stretching, and sex is different. I’ll attribute that to hormones too.

    Take heart. It may not last forever, and in the meantime, laughing and sleeping can make up for a lot!

  2. I have heard that if you needed stitches after delivery that can make sex extremely painful. A friend of mine did her kegals for the 2 weeks before having sex after her daughter was born, and regretted it. She said she cried and even called her doctor to complain. He attributed it to the stitches also.

    Good Luck, it is only temporary.

  3. Farmwife’s cousin again…..

    This post had me laughing in commiseration. I’m so with you. The one consolation about my flabby belly is that my son has an excellent place to cuddle when he gets tired in the middle of playing. He comes up, points for me to get on the floor with him, and then lays his little head on my soft and jello like belly. Plus, he’s learned to give “zerberts”, and a roly poly belly such as mine makes for very loud and long lasting zerberts. The boob thing is something my mother warned about. Tragic, I know. I feel like a walking pear with toothpick calves. So sexy.

    As for the sex thing…..if it still bugs you more than you’d like, see if there is a urogenital physical therapist in your area. I see one here, and she is amazing. Not only did she make sex possible, but she has done such an amazing job releasing nerves from scar tissue that I actually think it’s better than before. She also helps with continence issues, which are another lovely issue I get to deal with. My friend who had the same level of tear you did said it took her about six months before she started feeling better, but she didn’t do the physical therapy and said it just gradually improved. Since I had a crazy tear and an abcess that turned into a fistula, even the surgeon didn’t think we should try sex until after surgery, so I had to take extreme measures. It took us a year, but I bet it wouldn’t have take that long if I’d started going to this lady earlier. So now, I’ve found myself passionate about telling any woman, whether or not she suffered a birth injury of major proportion, about the chance to get physical therapy. Anyway, you can totally toss this out the window if you like. But I didn’t want to not say anything in case it helped at all.

  4. Oh great, just more fun things to look forward to. Nah, nah, nah, nah, I can’t hear you!


    The prep really is the worst part of a colonoscopy. Good luck!

  5. Sorry that you’re having so many problems “south of the border.”

    As for the colonoscopy, I’ve had four and I’m only 35. I have the pleasure of suffering from ulcerative colitis since 2002 and coupled with IF I’ve had both orifices thoroughly examined. Eeeew.

    Thank goodness that Rex is entertaining you with his cuteness!

  6. Mrs X – I hope that by now, you’re beginning to understand that it’s not the results that vary, but the severity of the results…

    I’m about the same amount of time post-partum as you – #3 is a St Patricks’ baby…and I STILL dread sex…that being said – my doctor chalked it up to hormones and said to take care of using additional lubrication for assistance (kid you not, her exact words!)…

    I do find that varying the way we attempt sex seems to help a bit, and I do try really hard to totally empty my head before (doesn’t help much for spontaneous moments I admit)…yoga works for me, meditation, music, whatever…something akin to the bubble bath and candles of the pre-kids days.

    I’m so glad to hear Rex is growing well, and providing entertainment…

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