Clean Up on Aisle 9!

My lady parts and I have a date with Dr. Uterus tomorrow. 

Well, not a “date” date in the euphamistic term, but it will have some of the key elements: he will get me undressed, on my back and will get to go where no man shall go except thine husband.  And, for the Hollywood twist, I get to pay for the privilege, not the other way around.  He’s never even bought me dinner. Sigh. In any other context, I would be declared easy (and perhaps a little desperate, maybe even possibly a female john).  Such is the life on an infertile woman. 

My “date” is actually my endometrial biopsy to see if the hoodwinking of my reproductive system worked. It had better because I have been shooting myself in the ass for over a week now and I will be extremely pissed if it was for naught.

Before I grace Dr. Uterus with my alluring presence, however, I must … um … clean up.  I always like to feel my best when I go somewhere that my privates will be the stars of the show and that means essentially doing the lawn job – trimming, edging and mowing.  I have no idea if he notices and frankly, it’s not for him, but to remind myself that even in this most humiliating of positions, I can look damn good. 

I still have my standards, after all.

8 thoughts on “Clean Up on Aisle 9!

  1. I too have my standards in that respect! Do you think that one day we’ll simply give up and stop caring, or will that be a sign that we’ve been at this game for too long?!?

    I hope that your date with Dr Uterus goes well.

  2. Be sure to give yourself a pedicure too. This man has lady parts & feet near his face all day long. The least we can do is clean up & paint our toe nails. At least that’s my rule.

  3. I hope all goes well and smoothly!

    I’ve never done that for my RE. I’ve just mindlessly flashed the hippy cooch. Well, I hope the thousands of dollars compensate for my nappy bits.

  4. Too funny, I also tidy up, which makes even less sense because my RE is a woman, but I just have to, you know those drs talk-they have to, I’ve seen ER. Anyway, good luck with your biopsy, I hope everything turns out OK.

  5. I love that you groom for Dr. Uterus. I used to groom. I also used to bring socks so that the fumes from my feet wouldn’t distract him from the job at hand and make him miss a follicle. I do hope the hoodwinking is successful. And I love a girl with standards!

  6. I am a grooming fool when I know I’m seeing my RE in particular (who can definitely wine and dine me anytime). The other day, as I waited on the exam table, pantsless, for him to arrive, I noticed I’d missed some wicked hairs though. Like one about 6 inches long growing out of the back of my upper thigh (WTF?!). I was horrified! I’m always grateful, though, when they dim the lights for the ultrasounds. Makes the room sexier, and my fat naked ass less day-glo.

    Beyond the bush, I am also obsessed with making sure my “aroma” is pleasant — or rather as fragrance-free as possible. It’s a challenge when you’ve got an afternoon appointment, and you walk there on a hot summer day. Those little Summer’s Eve towelettes are a god-send. But I do wonder how on earth those doctors deal with so much cooter in their face day in and day out.

    Why am I sharing all of this? I am so shameless at this point. 🙂

    Good luck with the biopsy! I think that’s the only test I’ve never had the pleasure to do for some reason.

  7. How did the biopsy go? Will you find out results immediately or have to wait a few days? I always clean up for the doctor and u/s too. I would feel even more embarrassed than I already am at having the u/s if I wasn’t, um, tidy. I was appalled last Friday because I realized a couple of my toes looked skeevy and I hadn’t touched up my polish or cuticles. The things we do to get through 🙂

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