Caffeine, that is.
I’ve had the mother of all headaches from about 1pm onwards and I haven’t helped it by brooding over an incident at this morning’s monitoring appointment.
The monitoring itself was fine. Nice number of contenders, same dosage and a follow up visit with the dildo cam on Friday.
No, what bothered me was what I saw when I got in the room.
7am to 9am is cycle monitoring time and they see a slew of patients. I understand that the clean up between patients can be hasty. What I don’t understand, though, is how you don’t clear the image from the ultrasound screen from the prior patient.
Especially when it is me who is going in for the next appointment.
The person they saw in there before me was pregnant, 7w3d to be exact. How did I know this without having met her? The ultrasound screen hadn’t been cleared after she had left and there on the screen was the telltale baby blob. And, just in case you had someone who couldn’t quite make it all out, the tech had helpfully written above it the words “Hi Mom and Dad!” Un-freaking-believable. And, this is not the first time this has happened at his office, either. The last time this happened, there was no picture. No ridiculous anthropomorphic utterings from the baby written on the screen.
What’s amazing is that I wasn’t bothered that she was pregnant or that I had to see the picture of her blob. What bothered me was that they were able to write that message from their baby assuming that seven or so months from now, they will meet that baby, and they were able to do that without a hint of worry or foreboding. I lost the ability to do that with my first miscarriage (after hearing the heartbeat. Twice.). So now, I grieve not only the loss of my two babies, but I also grieve the loss of that innocence, that surety that now that there is a bun in the oven, it’s smooth sailing from here on out. I wanted to bang my head on the wall (or the screen).
When Dr. Salsa came in, I nicely asked that they make sure that the ultrasound screen is clear before I go in to the room.
Unfortunately, that’s not going to erase the rest of it.